By. Rebecca Nero
I’m 8 in the dressing room at a JC Penney and none of the clothes fit me, I sink to the floor.
My mom knocks at the door and says “Honey let me see, I’m sure you look pretty,”
But I don’t have the strength to tell her that once more, the clothes didn’t fit my shape.
And I start to hate my body a little more
I’m 11 at a Weight Watchers meeting when the rest of the girls in my class don’t even have to watch what their eating. When the frazzled haired lady yells out my weight and it’s more than the 38 year old before me I wince in pain.
And I start to hate my body a little more
I’m 13 and the rest of the girls wear a 00 and I’m an 11 I can’t even fathom ever changing in front of them in the locker room without feeling my chest clench. I never got undressed.
And I start to hate my body a little more
I’m 17 and it’s late. 12am and I’m sobbing, begging God to make me normal. I’m writing a list on my phone with what’s wrong with me. The self-loathing seeps into me. Listing how my nose is abnormal and my cellulite is rampant.
And I start to hate my body a little more
I’m 20 about to be 21 and after all these years of learning to hate my body I’ve overcome the fear. I look in the mirror and see a beautiful masterpiece that has carried me through when I couldn’t go on anymore. I begin to love my curves and how they swerve. The indents and the imperfections meant that I’ve lived and it makes me admire with great affection. For it is a temple that I now hold sacred and I refuse to let the world tell me different.
And I start to love my body a little more.
Rebecca is a junior at the University of South Florida St. Petersburg. She is majoring in political science and intends on pursuing law school afterwards to become a reproductive justice lawyer. When she is not at school or work, she is probably out somewhere protesting, canvassing, or tabling. In her free time she enjoys volunteering at her local Planned Parenthood and tending to her Planned Parenthood Generation Action Chapter on campus. Her hobbies include writing poems and essays, binge watching Sex and the City, listening to podcasts, and petting her dog Auggie. You can follow Rebecca for very entertaining Instagram stories @ rr.nero