Sarah McCartan Wilson
Every time I bow out,
and shut down.
I give you the power
to speak up,
to speak over,
to speak for,
me.
As if my words hold no weight.
My story, no value.
Me, nothing.
Why do I keep letting you have
what is mine?
Why do I keep letting you have
the final say?
Why won’t I speak up
and say enough?
Why won’t I speak up
and say anything, at all?
I give you the power
when I give away my voice.
I give myself away.
I disappear.
And you let me.
I disappear.
I’m the only one
who can stop this,
cycle.
I thought you were the only one
I let have this hold on me.
Now I see it — they all do!
I just have you to thank
for showing me the way.
For showing me how
to give it away.
My power.
My presence.
Me.
Powerless.
The way to let others determine my tomorrow,
or ruin my today.
Powerless.
You made me feel worthless
and replaceable.
And I let you.
I’ve spent these years
bringing her back to life.
The one you almost destroyed.
I’m harder than she used to be.
I’m still trying to reawaken her voice.
It still gets lost in anger, in shame,
in despair and fear,
in silence.
I’m still trying to demand
the respect and dignity
that is deserved,
by my breathing.
I’m still trying to uncover
a steady flow of softness,
and the love I need to be whole.
To be heard.
To harness my power.
To hold nothing back.
Power.
I gave it away
Powerless.
No more.
Sarah Kathleen is a deep feeling believer and plant eater, writing words (sometimes poetic, always personal) for self reflection and human connection. She currently dwells in Florida with her husband Andrew and their Doberman Escher. Sarah and Andrew are setting out to spark intentional dialogue and connect with communities through public art and art education, creating together as Hand in Hand. For honest words + real life snippets connect with Sarah on Instagram @sarahmcwilson.