Single Mama

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By. Jenny Ravikumar

My right arm slowly goes numb 

Night After Night After Night 

Sleeping with a tiny drunken octopus who I love so deeply,
I fear it may kill me Watching his precious face as he falls into me 

Starting alone
Both of us knowing he’ll tuck into my right arm before sunrise
Hand on my heart 

Right
Over
My
Heart
Digging his tiny fingernails into my flesh, both of us begging for sleep 

Day one : 

His tiny body reached for mine
He slid out and up to my heart, knowing I would be his only protector
We’ve been on this journey together ever since 

My left arm is bare
My ring finger has not even a trace of suntan where the promise once stood
A tinge of mixed energy and emotions
So much love and promise 

Empty
Heart
Broken vows Broken heart Broken promises 

Yet also broken eggshells I no longer need to walk on 

Deep breaths
Strength
Yoga
Overcoming the addiction of codependency 

My right hip holds my toddler perfectly
as we balance life and groceries on the way from the car
My right arm holds him at night 

I am stronger now
My heart beats every day for the right side of my arm
For his heart and our new life as we explore this world together 

Yet there is a hole in the left side of my heart 

It heals It heals It heals 

In time